Terms of Service

🦖 Michael’s Poaching Extravaganza Inc. – Terms of Service Last updated: 65 million years ago (give or take)

Welcome to Michael’s Poaching Extravaganza Inc., where we believe dinosaurs deserve five-star treatment… before becoming five-star meals. By accessing our services, you agree to the following totally-legit and barely-legal terms:

1. Illegal is Just a Suggestion
   By using our service, you acknowledge that international laws, moral boundaries, and common decency may be temporarily suspended for the sake of prehistoric indulgence.
2. Dino Welfare
   All dinosaurs are pampered with warm towels, calming jazz music, and spa treatments prior to transportation and/or flambéing. You agree not to ask questions about how we “acquire” them.
3. Transportation Clause
   Our dino-delivery drones are mostly accurate. We are not responsible for any accidental Jurassic park-level incidents, property damage, or rampages that may occur during drop-off.
4. Chef’s Rights
   Our chefs reserve the right to creatively interpret the term "edible." Dinosaurs may be served grilled, fried, or gently threatened into seasoning themselves.
5. Extinction Waiver
   You agree that Michael’s Poaching Extravaganza Inc. is not liable for contributing to the second extinction of any species. We gave them a chance. They lost the first time.
6. NDAs and Nods
   By accepting this agreement, you automatically agree to a non-disclosure agreement, a non-disparagement clause, and a nonchalant shrug regarding any questionable business practices.
7. Payment
   We accept credit cards, bones, fossils, and unmarked gold. Refunds are available in the form of regret and slightly charred velociraptor legs.
8. Final Clause (Raptor-Proofed)
   Should any legal authority, ethical board, or time-traveling eco-warrior challenge this agreement, you agree to pretend you’ve never heard of us.

🦕 Thank you for choosing Michael’s Poaching Extravaganza Inc. – where prehistoric problems meet modern culinary solutions.